That thing we try to avoid.... Conflict

Conflict happens in every relationship for every person. We can handle conflicts well or poorly. They can be big or small. It’s a time for growth and struggle. From a young age we’re taught how to handle conflicts but as we grow, those skills are refined, redefined, and evolve. Some better than others. At times even if we have learned new ways to handle conflict, the old ways surface abruptly.

Why do I bring this up after talking about my Ireland trip last week? Because one of my friends and I had a conflict on that trip. One that brewed all week before it erupted. We tried addressing it before it became so bad but we didn’t resolve the issue at it’s heart. I try to cram as much as I can into a trip and she enjoys relaxing more so on trips. We both were stressed a bit since this was our first real overseas adventure. Our expectations for the trip were different. 

Needless to say, words were said and the trip ended a bit tense for us. We both needed a cooling off period before we could discuss what had happened. We both communicate in different ways. The differences in how we travel also likely played a part too. Talking about what happened took us a few rounds. We both felt and understood the situation differently and reacted in ways based off our experiences. Both of us had to share our sides and put on the others shoes in order to resolve the conflict. The important thing is that we talked it out and strengthened our friendship. We have had to learn how to communicate more clearly with the other. Are we perfect with it? Nope but it’s something we’re continually working on improving. 

Both of us have gone through training on Crucial Conversations. The breakdown of how to work through conflict in this book is easily applicable. If you’ve never read this book before here’s a link to a video summary. With most of the conflicts I’ve had, I’ve found that pool of dialogue the most helpful. Sometimes it’s hard to listen and understand what the other person is experiencing. I often find myself going between anger, avoidance and withdrawal when I’m in conflict. The last two are my defaults though anger is probably my initial response with some conflicts.

The point I’m trying to make? Conflicts happen but they’re a great way to strengthen relationships if you handle them correctly. Am I an export? Nope but I’m working on getting better with them.